“losing everything I have”

**inspired by An Honest Man by Fantastic Negrito**

he wakes to the shiver & wanting
the ache that kitchen can’t fix
he is searching
he is hunting
small packets of spare change
turned into white powder

forgot what God tastes like
so he starts with fire water
to calm the quakes & shatter
ends with puncture
to calm his pulsating vessels

“momma why did you leave me
alone here
I can’t remember the verses or the songs”

bodies turned into cadavers
flesh to experiments
this ends the same for all of them
he knows
but this body is isolation
the chemicals & adrenaline
replace the weeping
so he can make his pilgrimage
back to the vile violin stings
strung out
same clothes, more injection sites
nodding off closer to the death
he prayed for
when he prays
he doesn’t pray

God forbid…
that someone hears
the truth in his longing

easy, slowly, goodnight…

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“deleterious comradeship” or “she give me the blues”

her words are razor sharp knives
slicing
my thin skin and will
long scalpel gashes
that bleed the deep crimson milk
below superficial slits
deep subcutaneous slashes
closer to the marrow
scraping muscle and sinew
she works kosher rock salt & dirthurtful
into the open wounds

my love for her
torture
agony
cigarette burns
tampered into my heartbeats

loving her
a crescent wrench to the temple
a car wreck
forehead flying through windshield
spitting out teeth
crawling
barely breathing from the wreckage

this love
the indignity of thrown bricks
through pride
waterboarding
self esteem
suicide at the end of her sentences
& blasting powder everywhere…

“Delores’s child”

invisible
the streets are my bedroom
my roof the sky
learned the game of shelter
hide and seek
all day in the library
make the shelter before 8pm
being transparent
bus stops the edges between buildings
know where the bathrooms are public
where the kind hearted shopkeepers shop
where you can sleep
where you shouldn’t

a group of kids called me a bum
threw rocks at me
called me a bum
My name is Gearld
and with weaponized words
a game of hurt the helpless
class action warfare
though the rocks flew wide
they reduced the miracle
of my birth into a mistake
my misfortune into my identity
I am Delores’s Child
at 12 I won a spelling bee
at 19 I graduated took Kenisha to the prom
her gorgeous dress
my palpitating heart
it was magic
Worked, prayed, then after Delores left me
my orphaned child started drinking
my girlfriend left me
my termination
the escort from the building
the eviction from my home
it been months now years
but I never stopped being Gerald
Delores’s only child

“I ain’t no got damn bum”
just trying to survive invisible between the margins
playing hide & seek
with the sky…

“stone crazy” or “the beginnings of the blues”

my memories float back
to the slow whistle and sweet bourbon
of the bed sheets she evacuates
the sunlight she stole
when I get quiet
the stroke of my aspect
sings the blues

the wind pleas
every song on the radio
wrenches my soul
I am dancing
wicked this two step
“watusi”
that makes every hour longer
ever door knob turn exspectant
and so much salt water…