In Jordy’s Name we decree…

When in the course of PROFESSIONAL events, it seems unnecessary for one knee ligament  to dissolve the bands which have connected it with another, though the fans assume it minor when the player leaves the field of play under his own powers, the separate and equal Laws of Reason and Sanity fail them. A decent respect to the opinions of the Packer Faithful requires that we should declare the causes which impel them to the separation is stupid and require the National Football League stop playing so many fucking PRESEASON football games.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that Non-Contact Preseason Football injuries Suck, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable properties, that among these are Stupidity, Injury and the pursuit of More Money from fans who are already over paying for a product which is, more often than not, subpar.

Hence whenever any Form of Exhibition Play becomes destructive, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new standards & principles in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to protect their TEAMS Safety and Happiness.