unreciprocated sunrises (repost from Facebook 6/30/2011)

gave you blood
you returned
apologies
force feed indignities
thoughtless diatribes
hard skin across my tenderness.
chasing you into the darkness
like running into a right cross
shattered teeth and more shed blood.
you hurt me without even trying
see me as my flaws
and compare me to warmer shores.

still my first thoughts race to you,
I hate this frustration,
wish you anthrax in your coffee
glass shards in your breakfast cereal
but that would be lying I am used to.

in reality,
I wish you could imagine me
“a musical composition”
a song that you sing perfect
take this blood
and love me like I see you
without blemish pristine and shining,
a fool am I.
You won’t love me…just judge me.
Yet with both fists running into arms
like rainbows, fleeting.
you only see my flaws,
only notice my awesome in short bursts
fickle, erratic, shifting
falling for you is more about falling
then breathing you in.
losing hours I should be concentrating
on more spells and better magic.
this is my fault not yours
you were just deciding what you want,
what you need, for dreaming.
your being wrong about everything
not knowing,
only considering the incapability,
means you were never the one
to begin with
and that I need to be more careful
for whom I shed blood.

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