“turned the hoses upon me”

Often I wake with the day in my teeth like a bridle bit.
grind my teeth to a serrated edge chomping against it

the illusion that we wont be forgotten warms my heart
but we are days away from sand dunes
the moment our hearts stops echoing in the ears of the onlookers

twitter is never forever
the trillions of files waiting to be deleted
the names worked out of the story line
when God has finished a lesson
for those still waiting to be born

it is all dust, and sand, and smiling faces

you could never understand what forever is.

make me more laughter. Until the darkness comes. Make me more friends & forgiveness. We aren’t going to be here forever.

just let me enjoy the blue illusion till they turn on the hoses.

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Often I consider

The race is full of pit stops
and unexpected engine failures
learning to stay between the lines
while the white hot engine purrs between your thighs
and the chest high safety belt grips your racing heart

Often I consider hitting the breaks with both feet
halting in the center of the road way
right in the middle of oncoming traffic

“go around”, I say to myself

but the oncoming horde still lurches and swerves
to near miss a earth shattering collision
my life is a series of earth shattering & concussive forces
the collision is the conclusion I haven’t yet witnessed

“go around”, I shout at God
but often I am left thinking I am talking to myself

the surrounding onlookers think
I should get out the way
move
before I get hurt
parked in the middle of the speedway

it doesn’t matter what they think
nor am I thinking about their opinions
as the screeching & screaming
drivers around me veer to change coarse
I read a book once that said something about forgiveness
but the manual can only teach you the rules
you have to drive the car yourself

stopped in the middle of this chaos
I am flushed with a sense of calm
every thing will work out fine
someone will come out here to collect me
then headlights with no breaks behind them
make the turn barreling into my…

**silence**

To every motherfucker I called a motherfucker

there is a point to civility
the proper noun
the correct inflection
there is a rhyme & reason
to rhyme and reason
and a season for everything

Impetuous children
with vainglorious pronouncements
the counting of eggs before they’ve hatched

sentimental soliloquies of self aggrandizement
we pollute the waters that our friend ships float in
tennis shoes, booze, carcinogens, and refer
take the place of scholarship or loyalty
we get to feel good when we are at our worst
till our worst feels good enough to keep doing

we can not keep doing each other like this

motherfucker are you stupid
get your hands out my pockets
your eyes off my girlfriend
and your lies out my ears
you motherfuckers are going to respect me
before someone gets hurt
the devils work is never finished
and you motherfuckers are working overtime
can’t tell you stupid motherfuckers
from you other motherfuckers
but one of you motherfuckers
is going to stop parking in my parking space
and if I catch another one of your motherfuckers
stealing cases of Hennessy out the store
its going to be a motherfucking problem

We are problem children from broken homes
who never got what was coming to us
but eventually
you motherfuckers have to get over yourselves
there was never any even to get
revenge and vengeance
are mostly false pride under false pretenses
when you motherfuckers get finished getting back
the person who
wronged you
how do you get back all the time
you wasted worrying about the past
Goofy Motherfuckers
with dynamite fuses as birthday candles
waiting to explode over everything
and ruin everything
to prove you are worth
more than you seem to be
more than he saw in you
more than she would notice

playing yourself
motherfucking fools
I usually let you drown in your own devices
but this motherfucker here is getting on my motherfucking nerves…and I have to say something.

To Critiques, Non-Believers, Politicians, Journalists, and all other Sanctimonious Assholes

the hardest thing to say sometimes is

I Love You

in spite of every internal impulse to despise
every inclination to throw white hot coals
at your head, neck, and chest

I Love You

Wish I could convince you to stop what you are doing
and make better decisions but I suppose you
would tell me the same thing

We will do better. We will love better.
Not because I need you
or support your treachery

but because the God I serve is here to save you
and it is required that I love you better
till you are able to be better
so that my love doesn’t taste like
licked dirty astray, swallowed bleach water,
and rotted hamburger meat when I pronounce it.

I am sorry that I don’t know how to love you
correctly
ashamed at my lack of divinity with the one commodity
I am bestowed to give freely

I Love You
because Jesus requires me too & I need to stop being
forced to assert our connection and just accept
you are injured, hurting, and in need
like we all are
but too much like you to admit it.

co-sponsored bills

they raised the fines for littering
but won’t arrest people for Adultery
even though it’s a felony in Wisconsin

propaganda and conspiracy
false allegations & swindlers
all before my first cup of coffee
each day…

Death on the radio
like death is on the corners

shoot outs under the bright lights
of gas stations
like cameras don’t exist
trying to go viral
but going to prison first
World Star!
Till everyone is a witness
seldom a hero
rolling along like pigs to the slaughter
comparing celebrity with worth
but bacon & pig feet
come from the same dead hog

it’s all too much to bare sometimes

Breaking Kayfabe

a masquerade
the world is a masquerade
with all of the celebrations & circumstance
it feels like a bowl of plastic fruit, sometimes

this friendship or that acquaintance
we marionette closeness
looking for soft spaces in each others backs
for knife wounds
forgiveness & mercy
are foreign languages
even pity is parsed out like rations
thrown from passing helicopters
at a distance
far enough to escape contraction

Love wouldn’t know most of us by name
and though Jesus isn’t on social media
his representatives are worse than Russian operatives
sowing dissension among the Gentiles & showing off their possessions to seem important

false pride is at all time highs
deceit, contempt, and wrath on display
a whole liar, a coward, or an out-right fool
has access to your mind through a tiny camera
and we circulate the virus
till everyone gets to be better than someone
we don’t even know
we entertain the train wrecks
and watch police man still kill black men
on the news & only half know the officers name
after the trial dates are over

we horde knowledge & commodify creativity
you need money to know something in a place
that targets the stupid & preys on the weak
It’s after you were a student
you pay your student loans
the money you owe for the ability to be smarter
and God forbid you catch death somewhere
they will leave your body cold on a slab
if you can’t afford your bills

America ain’t ready for socialism
but racism and sexism and misplaced ambition
are passed out like FEMA checks or bombs

get out of line they will find a way to pay for more bombs
to drop and destroy the atmosphere and water supply
while they still got lead in the water in Flint & Milwaukee
but they have intentions on fixing it but making money
is the priority besides someone has to pay
for these fast food buffets
they have at the White House, or so I am told.